a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize