Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I want to fling myself into the sun
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
