Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
