there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
