He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
