haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
