My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
