I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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