She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
