i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize