I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
