dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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