Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
