considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
