great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
