Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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