Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
