i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
