he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
