so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
