oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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