I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
