the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
