dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
