I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
actually, I'm a sock model
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize