New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
