so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize