i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
