I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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