come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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