is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
