it was like having sex with a tree stump
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
