guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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