Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We left an ass print on the piano.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
