What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
