Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
