this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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