god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
