She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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