I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize