I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
