is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
