i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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