Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
