I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
we should paint friendship bongs
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