Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
