when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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