Need sex. Gaining weight.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
there is glitter all over my balls
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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