So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
