Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
