Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize