Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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