are you still at the devil's house?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
