So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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