Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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