So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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