I could have mohawked her pubes.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
