Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
