how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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