For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
