I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
