My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize