both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
