Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize