just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
