I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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