HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
