her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
