I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
