Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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