Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
